Women who enable male abusers
Often I have talked about men who perpetrate violence to young men, women and children. I have written articles criticising male abusers more than I can remember. There was another side of the topic that I have never addressed and that is women who manipulate the victims of their male friends.
I chose to write about this topic because it was important to do so. I have put rape apologists and rapists under the same umbrella because their actions and ideas justify the crimes of the rapist. Even if enablers do not commit the act, and is not present at the scene, they claim that the incident never happened and the victim(s) are lying and it’s their fault. Rape apologists make excuses and try to invalidate the victim(s).
It takes a lot of courage and support for abuse victims to stand up and talk about their experiences. They need to be in a safe space surrounded by the people that they trust, who understand the situation that they are in, and people who don’t undermine their stories. They don’t want to feel as if their experiences are being invalidated, just because the abuser has never acted like that towards you.
Enablers are the people who look the other way when the victims accuse their friends of sexually assaulting and/or harassing them. Enablers are the people who would use any kind of tactic to scare the victims so that they are kept silent. Enablers are the people who spread false rumours in order to discredit the victims. Enablers are the people who would do anything to protect their abusive friends.
What’s even worse about this is that these are the same women who speak loudly on feminism, but manipulate the victims behind our backs. This type of “performative and faux feminism” is enacted only when it’s convenient for them.
Honestly, none of this surprises me and I know that there are several people that have been in the same position. This may be difficult for some people to understand, but there are several people in our spaces that do this exact same thing, and the victims are scared to speak out about it.
The patriarchy is our biggest enemy and we need to dismantle this sexist and misogynistic system to get rid of all the bullshit. But how are we going to move forward and change the system, when we have enablers in our circles? When are we going to learn that allowing enablers and abusers into our spaces is not going to stop this abuse? There should be a collective outrage towards enablers, just as much as an abuser or rapist.
No one can dictate who is or isn’t a feminist, but women who enable their abusive friends to go against everything feminism stands for, and cannot coexist in the same space as anyone. Should they be amplified and coddled when they talk about their abuse and violence when they are in fact, complicit in rape culture in every instance other than their own? Faux feminists will keep using their selective activism only when it’s convenient for them and their good name. Women who enable their abusive friends are not your allies. They will never be your allies.
